


Nemo

by unknowableroom_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-11-04
Updated: 2005-12-01
Packaged: 2019-01-19 20:41:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12417762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unknowableroom_archivist/pseuds/unknowableroom_archivist
Summary: Note from ChristyCorr, the archivist: this story was originally archived atUnknowable Room, a Harry Potter archive active from 2005-2016. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after May 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address onUnknowable Room collection profile.





	1. The Lost Ones

**Author's Note:**

> Note from ChristyCorr, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Unknowable Room](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Unknowable_Room), a Harry Potter archive active from 2005-2016. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after May 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Unknowable Room collection profile](http://www.archiveofourown.org/collections/unknowableroom).

**A/N: This is the first chapter of a story I am writing called 'Nemo', based on the song baring the same title by Nightwish. The word itself is Latin, and I'm not telling what it means until the last chapter, however you are free to research it if you want to. I'm anticipating about 9 chapters total. The majority of the text in italics, which doesn't tie in directly with the story has been taken from the song, which is copyrighted by Nightwish. I don't own it, even though I wish I did, and am making no money off this.**

**x Mikhaila**

________________________________

Curled up on the window seat in her favourite corner of the library, Hermione silently stared out over the expanse of the Hogwarts grounds. She found it soothing, to be able to have some time to herself. All of the other girls in her dormitory had gone home for Christmas. She no longer had a home to go to, as Death Eaters had killed her family during the summer holidays following the battle at the Ministry of Magic. Although Ron had invited her back to the Burrow for the week, and as much as she loved the Weasley family, currently what she needed was just to spend some time by herself. It was her first Christmas without her family, and she didn’t want to have to smile, and pretend to be enjoying herself in the company of her friends.

Pretend as she had been for the past six months.

Inside, Hermione felt dead. Her family meant everything to her. Aside from Harry and Ron, they were the only people in the world who loved her. And they were most certainly the only people in the world, Ron and Harry included this time, who understood her. She could talk to her Mum about all the girly stuff she could never talk about with Harry or Ron, who would just scoff and tell her she was being stupid. Harry and Ron, who, although they did love her, would never see her as anything more than ‘one of the guys’. With her Mum she could do facials, go and get her hair done, or sit and watch the muggle movie “Love Actually”�, and perve on Roderigo Santoras for hours, or laugh at Hugh Grants dancing skills, whilst at the same time admiring his bum during his victory dance. Or snicker at Colin Firth’s attempts at speaking any language other than English. With her Dad, she could discuss poetry and books. He nurtured her intellectual side, possibly the only person on the planet who could keep up with her mentally. And he loved to hear about the things she learnt in school, about the theory of Arithmancy, or the translations and meanings of Ancient Runes. In this way, she managed to combine both the wizarding and muggle worlds. Whenever she was with her parents, she truly felt like she was home, no matter where they were. 

And now she was alone. Letting a single tear slide down her cheek, which was rapidly followed by several more, she continued to stare out across the grounds, enveloped in her misery. 

_This is me for forever_  
One of the lost ones   
The one without a name 

*******

Walking down the corridors that led from the Slytherin common room to the library, Draco Malfoy sighed. He was spending Christmas at Hogwarts because his father was still locked in Azkaban, and his mother was too busy trying to secure his release to give Draco the Christmas he deserved, or so she claimed. Secretly Draco thought that it was because she was unable to cope with the disgrace to the family name, and as such was trying to avoid him. It was, of course, his fault that his father had gotten caught, as he had allowed the Mudblood Granger and her little friends to escape from him.

Fucking Granger. Merlin, he thought as he continued his journey. Could a witch be more annoying? With her bushy hair, and know it all attitude. She pissed him off more than any other witch or wizard in Hogwarts. Something niggled in the back of his mind when he thought about her, but he refused to give it any thought, dismissing her as his inferior. Even though, at some level, her knew that she wasn’t.

Pushing the Mudblood from his mind, his thoughts returned to his father. He felt absolutely lost without his father by his side. His whole life, his father had been by his side, guiding him, telling him what to do. It was at his insistence that Draco had joined the Death Eaters during the summer vacation, taking his father’s vacant place by the Dark Lord’s side. Of course, he didn’t wear the Dark Mark yet, as it would not do to have that decrepit old fool Dumbledore knowing that there was one capable of killing within the school, but still, he was pleased that he could make his father proud in this way. Losing his father, even if it was only temporarily, was a blow that Draco had not expected. And it hurt like all fuck. Without his father, he was nothing. He was lost, floating in a sea of despair and hopelessness. 

Not that he’d ever admit it of course.

_This is me for forever_  
One of the lost ones   
The one without a name 

Rounding a corner into the library, he was startled to hear a discreet sound that sounded like someone… crying. Curious as to who it was, knowing that most students had gone home for the holidays, he went in search of the noise, hoping he would have an opportunity to berate one of the younger students. Circe knows he needed someone to take his frustrations out on.

Tracking the crying to a window seat in the furthest corner of the library, he was surprised when he recognised the witch he’d least likely imagined it to be.

“Granger.”�


	2. One Without a Name

Hearing her name drawled by the person she least wanted to see when she was crying, Hermione snapped her head around, quickly drying her tears on her sleeve.

"Ferret. What do you want?"

She watched as he fidgeted, obviously uncomfortable at having found her crying. He'd never seen her cry before, not in all the years he'd insulted her. She also suspected that he didn't know her parents had been murdered, as it was being kept very quiet, with only herself, Harry, and the Weasley family knowing within the school, aside from the professors of course.

"What in Merlin's name are you crying over, Mudblood? Get a piece of homework back that only got a nine out of ten?" he drawled in her direction.

Straightening up, she glared in his direction. As if she'd cry over something like that! Besides, none of her work had ever gotten less than full marks. How dare he imply otherwise!

"For your information, Malfoy, none of my homework has ever gotten less than full marks! And as to why I'm crying, it's none of your bloody business. So why don't you just run off home to Daddy and gloat over how you're such wonderful purebloods and how all muggleborns like myself are scum of the Earth and deserve to be crying at your feet!" she shot at him, turning away to face the window again. 

She heard him growl behind her, and waited for his scathing reply. She knew that he could never leave anything at that.

"For your information, Granger, my father is still in Azkaban, and as my mother is currently blaming me for the whole situation, it would be inadvisable for me to go home for the next two weeks. And why are you here? Surely your filthy muggle parents would have wanted their precious little know it all home for the holidays, so you could all pretend you're better than real wizards for the next two weeks? Or have your parents finally realised what a pain in the arse you are, and gotten rid of you?"

At the insult to her parents, Hermione spun around again, and got angrily to her feet. How **DARE** he!

"For your information, Ferret, my parents are fucking well dead! Happy now? They were murdered last summer by your father's best little Death Eater friends! So I don't _have_ a home to go to!" she screamed, as she advanced on him.

_This is me forever  
One without a name_

*****

Seeing her advance towards him, Draco expected her to at least slap him for taunting her about her parents. Instead, she shouldered past him and ran out of the library, the tears once again streaming down her face.

Folding himself into the seat she'd vacated, he pondered what had just happened. Being a Death Eater himself, he had of course known about the death of Hermione's parents. It had not been a direct order from Voldemort, but when the Dark Lord had found out about the murder of the Grangers, to say he was pleased was an understatement. None of the Death Eaters had owned up to the task, for fear should the Dark Lord's pleasure turn to wrath, but he had still allowed himself to smile at the blow he knew it would inflict on Hermione and the rest of the Golden Trio. 

However, after having seen her today, he didn't feel quite as pleased, for some unknown reason. The imagery and the reality of seeing her cry were two entirely different things. Merlin, even when her heart was breaking she was defiant. And yet all he wanted to do was to take her in his arms and to hold her until she stopped crying. The thought alarmed him greatly. 

Pulled from his thoughts by a tapping at the window, he saw his eagle owl, Vires, holding what appeared to be a letter. Opening the window, he allowed the bird to enter, and untied the letter from it's leg. He saw by the seal that it was from him mother.

Cracking open the seal, he began to read the letter. As the letter slipped from his fingers, his vision blurred. As he bent down to pick up the letter, he knew he had to get out of the castle. He ran towards the entrance, and as he stepped out into the rain, he did something he hadn't done in over 10 years.

He began to cry.

_This is me forever  
One without a name_


	3. Soothing Rain

Arriving back in her dormitory, Hermione realised that she'd left her favourite muggle book, 'A Walk to Remember', in the library. It was one that her Mum had read to her when she was little. She had always imagined herself as Jamie, and being found by someone amazing, who did not appear to be good at first glance, but underneath had a heart of gold. Not wanting to lose the book, she hurried back towards the library. As she neared the entrance to library, she saw a figure rush out, in the direction of the entrance to the school grounds. As she made her way through the library, she found her thoughts continuing to drift to Malfoy.

Retrieving her book, she contemplated the fact that he had seemed to be upset. Not embarrassed, as he had been when Crouch had turned him into a ferret, or furious as he had been in third year when she slapped him across the face, but actually… sad. When she had seen him rushing past her, she had caught a glimpse of something in his eyes… something that reflected her own pain. 

Her curiosity getting the better of her, Hermione headed in the direction in which she had seen Draco running off in. Reaching the entrance to the Hogwarts grounds, she saw him standing about fifty metres away, being completely soaked by the pouring rain. In his hand, he held a water-streaker letter, of which the ink was beginning to drip slowly off of the page, landing on the muddy grass at his feet. 

Contemplating him for several seconds, she thought that even with the expression of agony on his face, that damned ferret still looked bloody hot when he was dripping wet. Quickly catching that thought, she wondered what the hell was going through her mind. Shaking her head, she started towards him.

“Malfoy!”�

He turned to her, and a scowl came over his features.

“Sod off Granger. I’m not in the mood right now.”�

“Like I care what you’re in the mood for Malfoy. But you’re getting absolutely soaked out here, and if you’re not careful you’re going to get sick. Considering that I’m assisting Madam Pomfrey at the moment, I don’t particularly fancy looking after you for the remaining two weeks of the holidays. Get your arse inside.”�

Watching as Draco deepened his scowl, the one that intimidated many of the younger students, both in Slytherin and the other three houses, Hermione braced her hands on her hips, fiddling with the ring in her pocket out of nervousness.

“I don’t want to. I’m staying out here, and there’s not a god-damned thing you can do about it!”�

“Fine, stay out here!”� retorted Hermione as she pulled out her wand, muttering “ _Impervius_ ”�. under her breath, pointing her wand first at him, and then at herself. “But you’re at least bloody well going to stay dry! And now you’re going to tell me what the hell is going on.”� she continued, marching towards him. 

Draco was looking at her closely, almost as closely as she was observing him. As she looked into his eyes, she could see the pain reflected in them, and thought to herself that it was almost identical to that which shone out of her eyes when she looked into the mirror.

Looking down at his hand instinctively, she could faintly make out the words “death, father, Azkaban, suicide, mother”�, and looked back up at him, with something akin to pity and understanding in her eyes. So that bastard had a heart after all.

Without even thinking about who it was actually in front of her, Hermione reached out and enveloped Draco in her arms. 

_Oh how I wish_  
For soothing rain   
All I wish is to dream again 

*****

Feeling her arms wrap around him, Draco broke out of his miserable reverie. He looked down at her, not returning the embrace, puzzled. Why was she hugging him? What did she have to gain from it? What in Merlin's name was going on with this dumb witch?

Looking past her to the letter in his hand, he saw the same words on the page as she had, and finally understood. She knew. She knew that Lucius had been found dead in his cell two days ago, by his mother when she went to visit him. The Ministry had ruled his death a suicide, as he had been found with his wrists slit. His mother did not believe that Lucius' death was a suicide, but she would not explain why to him in this letter. She had said that she would tell him when he came home for the summer holidays, and that they would deal with it then. 

Looking back at Hermione, he saw she was looking up at him, and puzzled and slightly mortified look in her eyes, and realised that she had finally figured out what she was doing. However, for some reason that he could not explain, he found her embrace comforting. And when did he start thinking of her as Hermione? Pushing the thought from his mind, he pulled her closer to him, her head resting against his shoulder. 

Continuing to look her over, he finally arrived at her eyes. In them he saw the same pain he knew must be shining out of his, and something else... something that looked suspiciously like pity. Pity? How dare she even think to pity him! He was a Malfoy for Merlin's sake, and received pity from no one, least of all a bushy-haired, know-it-all Gryffindor like her. Pulling out of her arms angrily, he took a step back and glared at her furiously.

"What the hell are you doing?!" he screamed at her.

She looked back at him, and he could see confusion and hurt fluttering across her face, followed rapidly by embarrassment and anger.

"I was hugging you, you stupid git! What did you think I was doing, playing Quidditch?" she retorted.

"I do not need pity from the likes of you, Granger! And I don't need you to treat me like I'm Potty or Weasel, just after I've lost a Quidditch game or something!"

"I don't pity you Malfoy! _Ever_! What I feel for you is sorrow and understanding. Sorrow, because no-one deserves to lose a parent, especially to suicide or murder, and understanding because I am possibly the only damned person in this school who actually does understand what the hell you're going through at the moment. In case you'd forgotten, Malfoy, you aren't the only person in this conversation who has lost a parent this year. Be fucking thankful you only lost one! I lost both of mine, to one of your BASTARD father's friends, so I will never feel sorry for the fact that he is dead. What I am sorry about is that you have to go through this same fucking, Merlin damned pain that I've been going through every day for the past six months. _No-one_ should have to go through that, you stupid moron!" 

Draco stared, shocked, as Hermione burst into tears, her emotions causing the Impervius charm on the both of them to evaporate. She looked so sad, standing there with rain dripping down her skin, her hair straightening out under the weight of the water. He couldn't believe that she, the perfect Gryffindor princess, had actually sworn at him. Or that he had managed to forget, in the space of 10 minutes, that she too had lost her family. She was right. No-one should have to go through the pain he was going through now. He must be the coldest bastard on the history of the world.

Stepping towards her, he stopped merely 10 centimetres in front of her, and reached out to tilt her head up so that he could see her face.

"Hermione, please stop crying. I'm sorry. I was just shocked...."

Hermione looked up at him, clearly startled. She started to reply, but Draco moved his fingers from her chin to her lips, and gave in to the temptation he'd been fighting ever since he'd seen her crying in the library earlier in the day.

In the pouring rain, Draco Malfoy slowly lent in, and kissed Hermione Granger.

_Oh how I wish_  
For soothing rain   
All I wish is to dream again 


	4. Without an Honest Heart

She was standing in the pouring rain, crying, when he lent in and kissed her. Hermione felt shocked, and completely thrown by his actions. But beyond that, she felt… Merlin help her, she felt like this was where she belonged. Standing in the pouring rain, with Draco’s hands holding her close to him, sharing something that no-one else at Hogwarts could possibly understand. 

Wrapping her arms around his neck, Hermione pulled him down closer, feeling his teeth nibbling against her upper lip. Moaning against him, she felt him deepen the kiss, taking complete possession of her until she was almost incapable of any form of thought whatsoever. All that existed at this moment was her, Draco, and the best kiss she had ever had in her entire life. 

Feeling the need for air, she pushed him away gently, looking up as she did so. Finding his grey eyes staring down at her, Hermione was filled with sudden shock and remorse at what she had done. Oh my God, she thought, I’ve just kissed Draco Malfoy. What the hell? How… why…. Oh Merlin I can’t do this. I just… Oh Merlin.

Taking a step back from him, she held out her hand in order to put some space between them.

“Draco… About what just happened, I’m so sor-”�

“Save it, Hermione,”� he interrupted. “I know that most people would think that what just happened between us is wrong, and I know that no-one would understand. But you feel something for me, don’t you? I can see it in your eyes, and I could feel it in your kiss.”�

She hesitated, not knowing what to say to him. Up until this afternoon, he had been one of the people that she hated most in the world. Yes, she found him physically attractive, what kind of straight witch wouldn’t, but beneath that she had believed him to be rotten to the core. But now… He had shown her a side of himself that she doubted many had ever seen. He had shown her his heart. But still… things were complicated. 

Hermione looked up at him, still conflicted by the many emotions that were swirling within her. Deciding on a form of action, she spoke to him in a soft voice that was as calm as she could make it under the circumstances. 

“I think that we both need some time to think about what’s going on, Draco. Right now, I’m feeling more than a little bit confused, and I just need to process all of this. If you think that maybe we could be something more than what we are, or even if you’re just not sure, meet me in the library tomorrow, okay?”�

Not giving him time to answer, Hermione spun on her heel and ran inside and upstairs to her dormitory. Once there, she collapsed against her dressing table, suddenly unable to breathe. What in Merlin’s name had she gotten herself into? This was Malfoy, of all people. The one person that she should never be able to love, and the one person she would never be allowed to love. Her heart, the one area of herself that she could not control with logic, was the area that was beginning to betray her, and everything that she stood for. 

The guilt consuming her, Hermione rested her head against her knees, and began to cry.

_This is me for forever_  
The one without a name   
Without an honest heart as compass 

*******

Watching Hermione run off back into the castle, Draco thought about what had just happened. He wondered what the hell had come over him. He had just kissed Hermione Granger. The brains of the Golden Trio, Gryffindor princess, and the apparent champion of all that was good and innocent in the world. On top of all of that, she was also a Mudblood. Everything that Draco had been taught his entire life was screaming at him, screaming that what he had done was wrong.

Hermione Granger was the one person at Hogwarts that Draco knew he should not become even remotely involved with. 

And yet here he was. Standing in the rain, watching her walk back into the castle, and already wondering what he was going to say to her the next day in the library. Looking down at he page in his hand, Draco felt a sickening guilt clench him in the stomach. His father had died the previous day, and all he was thinking about was a girl whom his father would have killed him for even touching, let alone kissing.

Draco began to make his way back into the castle, his mind trying to grasp all of the thoughts that were being thrown in his direction. Despite what everyone had thought, he had loved his father, more than anyone else in the entire wizarding world. Losing him was a terrible blow, first with Azkaban, and now with his apparent suicide. And the one person in the whole damned castle who could understand what he was feeling was Hermione bloody Granger. And somehow, he could understand what she was feeling too.

It was the most disturbing thing he had ever experienced.

Being able to understand her, he thought, meant that he could no longer hate her. Instead of just seeing a bushy-haired, know-it-all Gryffindor Mudblood, he now saw her for what she truly was. Intelligent. Courageous. Loyal. Passionate. All of the things he himself wanted to be, and prized in others. 

If he could love her, though, how could he be loyal? In loving her, he betrayed his entire existence. He betrayed his family. 

Reaching his dormitory, Draco flopped down onto his bed, thoughts going through his head like a Firebolt during the Quidditch World Cup. He was torn completely, between new found realisation, and those whom he had loved and respected his entire life.

And underneath all of that, was an uneasy sense of guilt. How could she ever love him, after what he had done to her?

_This is me for forever_  
The one without a name   
Without an honest heart as compass 


End file.
